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Tuesday, March 27th, 2012
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10:55 am - Hell.
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This place is driving me nuts. Roomates from hell. Selfish scumbags who expect a free ride. Tired of abusive living situations. People who cry for their every desire at the expense of my dignity and sanity.
"You have the power to free yourself from the mental prison fear creates. Anything worth having is worth working for, and you deserve to live fearless and free." - Terri Cole
Especially pertinent quote posted this evening by a friend.
I need to eat omething. I haven't been eating much. Not nearly enough. I know I have to be under 130 again. might be down to (below?) 125 even. I need to reaquaint myself with my weights too, my arms are twigs. i can't look healthy. I'm bony, and I bet my color is off. I hate this situation.
I don't get it, either. I'm so fucking easy to please. You have to be honestly trying or one hell of an inconsiderate fuck to piss me off. Validation last night, my old roomie Hurtado told me it's sad me with roomie problems because I'm such a great roomie.
I'll have my own place by the end of next week. That or a room with humane roomies for much less than what I currently pay.
current mood:  frustrated
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| Monday, January 17th, 2011
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11:09 pm - dang phone!
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so, the last post was supposed to end with 'its interesting, the people I find myself spending time with anymore.' but my phone had other ideas.
oh well.
I found out my 1 actual friend from boot camp is out here too, trying to arrange a visit. I'm so looking forward to the next couple months!
it's almost unsettling how content I am.
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| Friday, December 31st, 2010
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12:46 am
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I never did finish my last update, did I? Oh well.
time's just flying by. This year's almost up already, I can't believe it! Is has been possibly my most amazing to date.
recent things: I fell in with the local lesbian crowd, somehow got moved into the hip lesbian room, had an AMAZING night out in town, apparently burnt some bridges, but it showed me more about the true natures of those I've been around, spent an amazing week with the aunt and uncle in rhode island, survived a blizzard, and now I'm here, drunk, watching lesbian movies with blue moon by myself and reminiscing.
I could be feeling bad, I was earlier, but really I'm pretty damn happy. The whole issue with the roomies/friends shook me up a little, I obviously still have an issue or 2, but I'm pretty confidant. Maybe it's because I'm in my own little bubble right now, perfectly content, and I feel incredibly loved. I'm remembering how no matter how bleak things look sometimes if I just get through them and spend time with the right people everything is better. And I have to be ok with not having a right person around sometimes, or someone turning around and fucking things up on me, because it's not really about me half the time, they have issues and insecurities. And sometime I'm just asking more from them than they could possibly give, which is something I just need to let be and get over. And above all, I just have to allow myself the freedom to be happy and beautiful. And I really believe I am, which is something I've rarely actually thought about myself before. Too often I view myself through insecurities and how I 'fail' others, I don't let myself see what's actually there. My wonderful smile, my deep compassion, my intelligence, my strength, my style... I see myself as awkward, clumsy, all these things. But I'm starting to realize I'm a woman, a grown woman, with all these great things under her belt already and more to come.
I want to go to the city (a pretty city, too) for new years, an interesting little woman I met a few weeks back wants to see me again, and frankly I'm curious as hell to see more of her, her friends, and what sorts of situations I could wind up in. I just need to find the (right) ride out. A few minor things are holding me back, but even if I don't go I'm sure I'll find something fulfilling to do. Might not result in as interesting stories (and boy do I have some!!!) but I'll come out of it just as well.
ok, I think that's about all I have to say for now. Surprising, my phone didn't even tell me I wrote too much yet!
anyway, how are you all? I haven't even checked this site in ages. I hope you all had amazing holidays and stuff.
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| Friday, October 29th, 2010
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12:27 pm
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well anyway I just wanted to say I'm gonna be a lot less available virtually soon but that's no reason to not keep in contact. Write me a letter, it'll only take a few minutes. Just don't be writing/sending me any crazy stuff that can get me in trouble, and understand you might go several months without hearing from me depending on what they have me do. I'll do me best to stay alive and whole, so please no more 'if you die I'll kill you' comments. And... Idk what else to write..
Oh! Hopefully I'll come back divorced! Sent in the stuff, just waiting for judgement via mail, the 6-month delay, and the final ruling. The ex is still alive, apparently was in a mental hospital around sacramento last weekend. Hopefully I can get someone here to get a restraining order before he shows up again.
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| Friday, September 24th, 2010
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1:16 am
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I just got a call from the ex telling me he killed someone earlier and he's planning to kill the girl he's staying with and drive her truck off a cliff. I have every reason to believe he's serious. Fuck, why did I have to answer the phone? Well, I've now actually thrown up from disgust. Twice. And I'm roaming the area, hopefully I can find someone to talk to before I throw up again.
at least soon, one way or another, I'll be free from this crap. And I told him not to call back, no matter wtf he does.
current mood:  discontent
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| Tuesday, May 18th, 2010
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4:40 pm
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I feel the need to update, but don't think I CAN. ugh.
More to come?
current mood:  indescribable
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| Monday, January 11th, 2010
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1:39 pm
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Ok, i'm officially enrolled or waitlisted in 18 units. 3 will be dropping off, and 6 are online. So, it'll be 15 units in 3 days/week up at the main, then self-discipline to finish those online courses. I'm thinking about riding my bike up to the college to check out the library. would have to find a bike lock n stuff, shouldn't be too hard. It should be a good test of whether the bike can make it, yeah?
current mood:  accomplished
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| Thursday, December 24th, 2009
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11:33 am
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I'm up, my back's not in pain, my head's not hurting, and I'm thinking the rumble in my stomach might actually be hunger. Yay!
I keep getting asked to do a billion things, but i'm wigging out because I've lost days, stupid illness. I really want my hair cut, today. Probably won't happen, but I can hope, right? I need to find those 2 reference pics so they (hopefully) don't screw it up so bad. I need a shower. I need to find food that doesn't nauseate me, I'm sick of crackers and egg nog.
current mood:  awake
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| Tuesday, December 8th, 2009
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2:13 pm - HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!
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This is just to let you all know I may or may not be going to Norway for a couple weeks this summer. That is all :]
current mood:  optimistic
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| Sunday, August 9th, 2009
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11:05 pm
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I posted this in my myspace blog, then thought it might as well be here. Not that I expect a lot of you to be particularly interested, but hey. I was originally intending this to be with pics, or even a supercool webcast, but I'm still rather sick and it took long enough just to write it all out... after cooking, even.
At least 10 of you have personally requested this, so I'm finally posting it. This is my basic recipe, just about everything can be altered some way or another. It's time-consuming, yes, but it's damn good. And... fresh means FRESH!!!! If you don't know how to tell, look it up or ask. No one wants a bowl of funk, seriously.
You need:
Counter
Large Pot
Large Frying Pan
LARGE Cutting Board
SHARP!!! Chef's knife, also something smaller.
Garlic Press
Cooking Oil
Basic seasonings (Black Pepper, Salt, Dill, Rosemary, Bouillon, etc.)
Rice
Fresh:
3-4 Carrots
1 Red Onion
Garlic
2-4 leaves Bok Choy
Potatoes (Golden or red, NEVER brown!)
Italian Brown Mushrooms
1 Serrano Pepper
Frozen:
Meat (usually boneless/skinless chicken thighs, but sometimes meatballs, steak, bacon, hamburger, etc.)
Spinach
White Corn
Optional add ins:
Yellow Squash
Stewed Tomatoes
Bell Peppers
Napa Cabbage
Frozen broccoli
Whatever else is in the fridge/freezer/pantry
To cook:
Fill pot 1/2 - 3/4 with water, put on stove. Season heavily with bouillon/dill/rosemary/own seasoning preference. Throw oil, black pepper n salt in frying pan, put on stove. Start cutting up hardest stuff first, throw in big pot. When oil is hot, throw in meat, lower heat. From here on you're pretty much alternating chopping stuff for the pot/frying pan, you want the onion/garlic in with the meat before it's all that cooked so it absorbs the flavor, but you still want veggies to go into the big pot in a timely manner. Remember, hardest items in first, softer in last. In the frying pan: Onion, garlic, serrano, mushrooms, breaking up meat as you go/checking for doneness. Everything else goes in the big pot, checking the seasoning from time to time. About 1/2 way through the veggies the meat should be about done, so just dump everything from that pan into the pot. That should be about time for the Bok Choy/frozen corn, and pretty much the last seasoning adjustment. The rice/spinach should be about the last, wait till the rice is cooked, then serve. Enough for a crowd, hopefully you invested in some tupperware.
To make veggie: No meat, if desired you can still lightly fry the frying pan items, but it's easier just to toss them into the pot at appropriate times and add some oil. This is especially good when tomatoes/olive oil are used, but can be delicious with just the plain jane stuff too. You can also just substitute some of that fake meat stuff you guys seem to like so much, you know how that goes better than I do.
*****
My mom's wandering around behind me calling for her wet, naked, black dog. In those words.
Now to clean the kitchen :(
current mood: sick
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| Thursday, August 6th, 2009
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11:59 pm
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I feel like shit. Shitty shit.
Didn't wake up to my alarm the first 2 hours it was going off inches from my head, but when I did the first thing i noticed was my sinuses were rather congested. That n the time. Called Kristen n told her I could be there in about 30 mins, since it was already almost time for me to pick her up. Went up the stairs, which was hard, legs felt all sorts of weak... and collapsed on the floor of my room. Stayed there a bit, wondering wtf i should do... i was also dizzy, when i stood/moved i felt extremely nauseous, and i just wanted to get stuff done. I realized there was no way I could drive the 40+ mins to work at that time, no fucking way. I was trying to figure out whether it was just from depression/tiredness, because that could always be cured with caffeine/willpower, or whether i should actually stay in bed. In the end i texted Kristen and told her i couldn't do it... and passed back out. woke up at 2 pm (the other stuff was about 8:50-9am) freaking out. I hadn't gotten texts/calls/etc back from ANYONE... and I didn't want to just call the attendance lady at work... i tried calling the team leader, but she wasn't answering. left her a message, then talked w/Kristen on myspace. Apparently she had already been bitched out by the team leader and fired... they threw in her face that the both of us were supposed to be promoted that day, but we're gone instead. Yelled at her. Stupid shit, as if we hadn't given enough to that damn place. Kristen had no ride, and she tried to reach her anyway. Then I got in touch with the other closer... she was like DAMN, wtf? but didn't say anything about what was going on other than people were pissed. Sortly after the team leader finally called and told me she's sorry to hear what happened, but we can come bye and pick up our stuff at any time. And yes, I was set to be moved into accounting that day. But none of it mattered anymore, because we didn't show up n no call. She even told me to not be a stranger in the future... I really got along with her, but... she knew what the place was doing to us all. Enh.
At least I have applications to fill out/turn in. And I called the base about December's drill. I'll have to wait till next drill weekend, but at least they've been reminded... again. And should be able to print up that letter. So I can (maybe?) put in my active duty packet. All is not lost.
I really wanted to go to the show in pomona tonight, but I guess it's just as well. Apparently I'm going to a show in Fontana tomorrow with another neglected friend set. Hopefully I feel well enough to get off my ass and get everything else done that I need to tomorrow, and maybe even finally visit the library again. it's been ages, and FF6 is a poor substitute for a book to fall asleep in, and the Asimov book (the only one in the house that looked remotely interesting and I didn't remember verbatim) isn't quite interesting enough.
I really should cook, but don't feel like it. I think I wanna be taken care of like a little baby right now, but there's no one to do that.
Also, I have become addicted to the birls community on here. It's crack. Between that n cutshort... yeah. And... apparently my little fauxhawkable pixie's pretty stylish. I gotta say... I'm digging it.
current mood: sick
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(connect with me)
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| Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009
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4:14 pm
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Ok, a few other things:
I am cutting the hair. Myself. Again. The back needs to go, as I can't wear pigtails in the field, or in uniform period, and 2 weeks is a long time for short hair that's already getting long. The rest is workable, though it would be neat to shorten the front again.
Also, thanks to a very unseasonable thunderstorm, my lap was full of petrified midsized dog for a while. The cats are fine, just the 45-lb dog thinks it's gonna eat her. Even though we're in the house, apparently it can still get her. And she hasn't been out to potty all day. Thankfully, saliva was the only fluid she let loose on me.
Wow, the thunder just set off alarms. Now I hear sirens, yes, plural.
What an odd day.
My sleeping patterns are the least of it, though probably enhance it for me.
current mood: amused
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(connect with me)
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| Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009
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12:17 am
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| Saturday, March 28th, 2009
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4:39 am - Oh, and...
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| Monday, February 16th, 2009
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5:42 pm
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| Monday, February 9th, 2009
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1:40 pm
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Oh yeah, and 94.9 was having another coup d'etat weekend. On my ride home, the girl played some pinback and modest mouse I've never heard before, I couldn't call her dinosaur jr but I called the rest. fun. I need to look up the other bands this guy is in, though the girl said pinback was her favorite. supposedly they play some show out there every year, which makes sense because they're from san diego anyway. so... that's on my priority list for bands I want to see. yes. I also must find that modest mouse song. fucking awesome. Can't remember the name though :(
Oh, an they said something about Radiohead's In Rainbows winning the grammy for best album? It's a weird album for that, but... it's awesome anyway. They've really owned this year, with In Rainbows, then that best of album? o m g. I'm hoping i heard right... forgot to check so far. Would be weird for one of my most awesomely favorite bands to become popular though, you know how that shit is. It's weird, damn it, tasteless mainstream jugs aren't supposed to like it!
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(1 connected | connect with me)
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11:39 am
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I am way too sore. Not only did we do the combat fitness test saturday morning, we did a pretty major pt session sunday morning too. Even my feet are cramped up,. I think I need a major massage. I worked out the pay issue for at least January, but the guy who did the December stuff wasn't there. I need to wait to work that out exactly, but I'm excited, I should get paid for that huge weekend!!!!! I won't get paid tons, but I should still get paid a decent amount. I got a new squad leader, he's NBC and pretty interesting. New to the unit, I think newly a sgt as well. Apparently I am the senior marine in my MOS in the unit now, and i haven't had any hands-on training yet. There might be a sgt or ssgt that can do some training with me and the pfc though. My squad leader said he might be able to hook something up with that. Oh, and I'm not the jr lcpl anymore.
Saturday night my roomie took me out to eat and watch movies. We set out to watch Coraline, but by the time we got there it was sold out (by a few minutes only!) so we got tickets to push. We decided we really wanted to see Coraline also, and we didn't mind not getting tons of sleep, so we got tickets to the next showing. It was a Dakota Fanning night. She's better as Coraline. I really liked that movie, though it did have a bit of a video game feel sometimes. Really creepy for a kids movie though. Very dark. If I were a kid and I watched that, I'd have major nightmares.
I cooked picadillo Friday, and it turned out pretty damn good. Since at least a couple of you won't know what the hell that is, picado is mexican (spanish?) for minced/chopped all tiny. So... a pot full of stuff chopped all tiny. start off with ground beef, then the chopping, chopping, chopping. Onion, carrots, potatoes, zucchini, tomatoes, corn, cilantro, ajo, all sorts of stuff. Simmer it, spoon it on those flat crispy taco shells with some mayo/crema, crumble some cotijo on it, maybe some tapatio or crushed habanero, and... deliciousness. I fed it to Valerie last night when she came over to borrow my washer. I had a double helping myself :)
I think today I'll make pasta of some sort. I have a big thing of Italian sheep's cheese that I'm hoping is roughly the same as that French stuff I was using for a while, at least a little (not really) spicy sausage, a few tomatoes, some sauce, pasta, and... ? I can also make fajitas, but I think I need new tortillas, the 5 or so we have left are probably moldy by now. Actually, I think I'll make soup. It's cold, miserable, and rainy, I'm sore and tired, what would be better than a big pot of healthy, hot, fresh n chunky soup? Mmmm, I'm figuring it out now! Tomatoes in the soup, lots of black pepper, garlic, a serrano, maybe some cheese on top? the mini penne, the last of the potatoes? I can use my new thing of tomato soup base! mmm, I think that's perfect. Pasta for later this week. Once I get more tomatoes and stuff, and probably some better meat. Seafood, i think. Been wanting to cook it with seafood.
Shit, I'm tired. last night I fell asleep probably around 3, and was up around 10. Friday/Saturday I slept round midnight, had to be out of the room before 5:45am. I think I've earned a day in my nice, warm bed with a book or 3. Mmmm, my warm, soft, squishy bed with with vibrating heaters that appear spontaneously when I'm there. Good night :)
Jan, if you reads this before tonight (or even if, whatevs) maybe you can come over and bake cookies, or maybe i can go over and bake some there? I think everyone would love some soup and hot, fresh cookies on a day like this. You haves my #, yo.
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| Monday, January 12th, 2009
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11:31 am
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This past weekend was another drill weekend. I got in trouble because my id did another disappearaing trick, and we were in the field. We were supposed to get weapons on friday, and do our stuff through sunday. I had to stay on base and sleep in a tent out front of the bldg friday night, so I could get my ID saturday, and wait around forever, miss the 6 mile hike, and look like a dumb ass being the only one without a weapon. On the entertainment side, I got to frighten many upper ranks with my mad coughing skillz. I got to move stretchers with 'injured' marines around, and watched over our CO navy guy instruct the corpsman on procedures and stuff. Crosstraining is fun, especially since I've done NO training in my MOS since I've been here. It's sad, though, that my arms have gotten so scrawny lately. I need to do more pushups and stuff. Being in a platoon and doing pushups makes it a lot easier to do, let me tell you! Oh man, I'm sore.
Once again I didn't get up early enough to get out and get a job right away, but I think if I at least get a run in, find a way to cash my $180 check from KDS and buy a couple necessities, and do some moderate weight training, I'll be good. I did talk with my platoon sgt about going active somehow, so hopefully that will get results of some kind.
I get to host Bunco this week, and I need to figure out how I'm going to do that. I think I'll run over to my friend's and set that up, that way i'll get my run, and she and I can set things up, then maybe we can go out in my car later and get prizes and so on.
Overall, I need a bit of an attitude adjustment, but I think the 3 day field drill did something to that effect. I got to bullshit with NCOs, pretty got to meet/get to know my unit more than I did before. I really needed to spend some time with new people, or at least people I don't see too often, and do interesting things that don't involve intoxication. That, and seeing a lot of the sun. I'm not so pasty anymore! I just need to continue on with this. If I don't get to activate I might just take that exercise class from chaffey. Supposedly I can use a gym membership as a tax write off, since I need to keep in shape as part of my government job.
It's funny how easily I return to being perky and optimistic. I sure wasn't by friday morning. Part of it I know is going outside and keeping in shape, which is the easiest to take control of at this time. I think I should just forget about that which I can't do other than that for now... If I'm taking control and performing, then things seem to happen more the way I want them to.
current mood: sore
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| Tuesday, January 6th, 2009
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5:51 pm - Musings
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My brother and I have been having a debate on where there is such things as universal beauty, or universally good movies, artwork, music, and so on, or whether the specifics are arbitrary.
I argue there is no universal perfection. Sure, there is perfection in that youthfulness, health, lack of deformities is generally preferred, but as for specific facial features, skin tone, size, even shape, are a matter of preference, and while most people can agree on whether someone's pretty, they disagree on what makes one perfectly beautiful. Our focus was on women, but I'd say the variance for male beauty probably ranges further. From talking with many people and noticing their trends, I have noticed that what one person finds the sexiest thing on the planet can be downright revolting to another. I won't go into details here, that's not my point.
The argument for preference can be extended to artistic ventures as well. One can argue the complexity of the piece/work/etc., or depth of symbolism, or its influence, popularity, or probably a billion other such things. But what it comes down to, in the end, is whether an individual likes it or not. I think it's beyond arguing that people all like different things. I think concepts of perfection are highly individual, and mold along with that individual. I say it's highly integrated with the concept of taste.
My brother argues there is something outside and beyond personal preference, something categorizable. He argues that a preference of something else is just 'feminine, emotional tendencies' and not abstract identification of beauty and 'good'. Just an example of emotions coloring viewpoints, which would be realized when presented with an example of perfection. That, or the person's just being contrary.
I'm very curious as to what other people think of this. I'd like to hear some other arguments for either side, or why we're both wrong and how. I'm wondering if there's a way to argue it without semantics getting in the way.
By the way, this leads into my argument for choice, if anyone's familiar with the argument against it.
And Jan, leave Henrita out of this. I bet if I looked hard enough I could find people who thought he wasn't superhot. Just because he has lesbian-turning power doesn't mean shit. I bet an Anglophile wouldn't like him, so there. And leave their jealousy out of it!
current mood: sick
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(3 connected | connect with me)
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| Monday, December 22nd, 2008
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4:52 pm - to do list:
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Exercise cada dia
cook at least 3 big things a week. Try to get up to every day, and more breakfasts.
find at least 5 new friends in the next month.
Start drawing cada dia, at least 5-10 mins.
Play guitar at least 30 mins/dia.
flutey thingie at least 20 mins/dia.
get up each morning before 8 am.
Bake a few things.
Cut down avg. daily time spent starting at a screen.
Groom all 4 cats.
Get in touch with all 'forgotten' friends that are actually quite awesome and fun. Forget about lame women that aren't worth it.
Teach myself new stuff in at least 2 subjects. Most likely: improve spanish and german, possibly learn some french, calculus. Sciences. Recap what I was supposed to learn this semester.
Get some sort of full-time employment within the next month.
Become self-sufficient again.
Only if schedule permits, register for classes - philosophy, math of some sort, studio art, the next chem class, or foreign language. maybe music theory? And body conditioning.
Clean room, maintain cleanliness. Keep house obsessively clean.
Pick up at least 4 good books to fall asleep in, replenish as needed.
Find a way to pick up music before the local virgin closes.
current mood: cold
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