Current mood:

sick

 meh.  i have some sort of fluish thing.  i've been hot and dizzy today and yesterday.  not good

i'm completely out of money.  i don't like being broke, not only because it means i can't go out really anywhere, i like the security of having cash.  i like being able to buy groceries whenever i feel like it, or get something cute just because.  

i need to get some sort of employment, and fast.  it's not just the money issue, i need to have something to do.  i need to be around people.  being in the house with a bunch of animals and the internet all day can't be healthy for my brain.  hopefully i get the UPS and/or the reserve center positions.  

this one girl that i liked and she seemed to really like me is apparently dating a guy.  she says they're not REALLY dating, not serious, anyway, and she's still a bit interested in me.  she had me up on her top friends on myspace.  i used to be like 5 or so... then around 10 (but still above the 'boyfriend'), now as of today i'm not on there at all.  this is after she took all her comments off my pics somewhere around yesterday.  i'm guessing by the end of the week she won't be on my friends list anymore.  i'm kinda wondering what i did, if i did anything at all.  and no, she's not someone i know only online, i didn't even meet her there.  i'm seriously about to write her off.  i mean, she's really intellectual and we have all sorts of stuff in common, and there's physical chemistry, but... obviously something's changed.  i'm kinda wondering what.  it's like that magic spell i held over people when i first got back is broken.  i was like 'wtf, i'm special?!?!?' and now it's like i'm back to being regular old me.   it's weird.

i should be up at the college by now.  i wasn't feeling the best this morning, but am feeling ok now, so i should get to that.  i need to fill out a new application for some reason.  they probably want to retest me too :/  i need to enroll in classes!  even if i move to miramar in october, at least starting school will be good for me.  i'll meet a couple people, get out of the house every day, think a bit every day.  more so than i do these days, at least.  i know i'm taking probably both micro and macro econ, 2nd semester english, and hopefully swimming.  that is, if any of those classes are open still.  i don't think there's any other classes i need to transfer.  this is it, guys, i'm THAT close!!!!  i just need to dig out my consultation from the last semester i completed to see exactly what's needed.  i can do that this weekend.  i need to clean up my room and see about putting my bed together so i can actually use my room!  i'll get shit done later.  i will.

the ex is missing again.  i should really get to that missing persons report, so next time he's picked up he'll be shipped down here so i can get a signature.  thing is, i like being almost 400 miles away.  i don't want the possibility of coming home someday and finding him on the doorstep.  or doing something stupid.  or harassing friends or family.  he thinks i'll solve all his problems.  he makes me want to bang my head into the wall.


sorry for what is mostly an emo post, but you see, i haven't exactly been feeling the most cheery lately.